People have been asking me lately whether I have stopped believing in God. The answer to that question is complex. And I don’t expect it to be answered in this short post, but I hope you can bear with me as I try to convey the emerging contours of my thoughts on religion and spirituality.
I now refer to myself as an agnostic. I will not say for certain a god exists. I am comfortable with mystery. But I cannot say that a god has revealed himself to a particular people over another. The more I study religion, the more it looks like a human-driven phenomenon.
Faith is a beautiful thing and those that can maintain it have my utmost respect. But I feel that in order to be honest, I must go with where I find the evidence. I just don’t think one particular religious tradition (that has evolved in the same complex ways as other faiths) can be “true” in the ontological and epistemological sense. How can one faith describe the totality of being, know with utter certainty that this faith has the keys to a fulfilled life? As far as I know, many, many people in the world have lived content, flourishing lives without any of the great monotheistic faiths that developed in the ancient Near East.
I still believe that religion can and does offer valid and important philosophical insights. Monotheism is a very advanced and rational philosophical idea, especially if expressed creatively. But that idea of God does not really fit any tradition we know of, at least without really forcing it to. At the same time pantheism and other forms of religious philosophy are equally advanced and valid, how is one to “decide” which one? I hope this doesn’t disappoint some of you. But it wasn’t ever the arguments that convinced me to where I am, but my heart. It was not a “decision” as much as it was a path I followed (and am still following).
But I am at great peace. I still find purpose in life, only now I find it in the messy things we call human relationships, I find it in nature, in literature, in art, in poetry and yes, still in religious philosophies. The people who dedicate their lives to these questions (philosophers, theologians, mystics) wrestle intensely with questions of purpose, of significance, and doubt. I think to ignore them is to miss a wonderful part of being human. I think we are spiritual creatures, in the sense we long for some type of transcendence from how shitty life can be and redemptive stories can only help us not hurt each other.
I still hope to write about these topics, though. I may always be nominally Christian, hell, I may wander back into the church one day, who knows? I am open for that, but “god” will have to really find some way to reach me for this to happen. I still even plan on studying theology, philosophy and the historical foundations of religion. I think it would be hard to get over my interests; I can’t close the door on something I have invested much thought and time to. I still even kinda “like” the Christian god and the figure of Jesus. I really don’t have a problem with engaging in prayer or meditation, I think it offers balance in a crazy world that we all need sometime, but I think the best prayer is one offered in thoughtful silence, in front of the awesome mystery of consciousness, existence and the universe; the earth, through us, giving expression.
Indeed.
I am currently dealing with some similar issues. I have such a hard time fully believing in just one religion. I was raised in the church, strayed for a few years and then came back as passionate and as on fire as ever before. Now again after some time being back in the church, I’m not even sure I believe any of it. Anyways, I enjoyed your post.
Sarah,
Thank you for comment. I hope you continue to frequent this page and hopefully we can generate conversations that will guide us in our own pilgrimages. I have spent the past four years dedicated to the Christian faith, with plans to attend seminary in New York this Fall. As of now, I plan to take some off to focus on writing and traveling before continuing my education at the graduate level.
But deciding to leave the Christian faith has radically shifted what I hope to do, but at the same time has opened up new doors. I feel more able to seek ‘god’ with the utmost freedom as well as to experience what being human is all about. I am excited to see what the future holds in store. I think that maybe belief in one particular faith over another can tether us to something that may limit us in our pursuit of living fully. When I studied ancient philosophy and the vast diversity of religious thought in school (as an Anthropology/Philosophy major) I came to find that there is possibility to find fulfillment in the journey and struggle for meaning, more than accepting some prefabricated explanation for everything. I encourage you to continue to be open and good luck. Hopefully I’ll continue to see you around.
Guy,
For the record… I changed your blog link! Also, I will have my post up tonight.
As for this post of yours… love the honesty. I would submit though that everyone subscribes to certain things over other things. You, as does everyone else, respect, admire, and even adhere to the philosophies of a select set of people while rejecting, failing to consider, or even ridiculing those of others.
This is not a judgment. I would just be mindful (as you are in your post) of continuing to not fall into thinking “Christianity… been there done that.” I know you aren’t doing that, and it is evident in your post, but it is a common trap I think.
You obviously know where my faith is, and you also know that I agree with you that my faith does not hold all the answers (even though many of its adherents claim it does). I know “truth” is found in many unexpected places. I would submit that any search for truth, purpose, etc. which leads us to look beyond ourselves reveals an openness to a god or higher power. Even the mystical power of a corporate human identity with the ability to enact change and inspire moments of transcendence is still an openness to something ‘bigger’.
You know you have my friendship, and you know that in some way I am on a similar journey.
Dave,
While it’s technically true that “everyone subscribes to certain things over other things,” that doesn’t really mean much and certainly doesn’t mean that beliefs are always of equal value (more on this later). These empty platitudes and calling faith a philosophy, however, doesn’t disturb me as much as when you say that while Guy (“You” like “everyone”), respects, admires and adheres to the philosophies of a select set of people, [he/everyone] rejects, fails to consider or even ridicules the philosophies of others. It seems to me that Guy respects AND considers AND resists ridiculing those who subscribe to religious mythologies (which is what we’re really talking about here).
In many statements, you seem to want to EQUATE Guy’s beliefs with everyone else’s (i.e., yours) in an attempt to validate them all–as in, they all deserve respect and don’t deserve to be critically considered. However, NOT BELIEVING IN A SKY (judeo-christian-muslim) GOD is not a belief system that can be equated to believing in one. That’s like calling NOT-STAMP-COLLECTING a hobby and saying, I hope you don’t fall into the old trap of saying, “Stamp-collecting…been there done that BUT my new, better hobby is non-stamp collecting.” It is a judgment–perhaps not one about Guy, so much as about other people who have–in your mind, wrongly–criticized or questioned the mythology you’ve chosen to believe in.
You THEN go on to say that “any search” for truth “beyond ourselves reveals a god or higher power,” but you might as well be saying that any search beyond ourselves reveals a magical pink unicorn or spaghetti monster (or whatever you want to call whatever it is that you happen to think exists but can’t prove–any search validates my belief system). Sure there is something majestic about the complexity of nature, consciousness, and the rules of reality–how space and time and matter and energy combine. But implying that this majesty “reveals” a god or higher power is intellectually irresponsible at best, religiously biased at worst–a rhetorical turn in order to semantically divide by zero and conveniently come up with a justification for your belief system to be based somewhere in the “unexpected places…beyond ourselves.” I’m not sure what you mean by the “mystical power of a corporate human identity”, but hope that you don’t mean to imply that corporations generally do much to enact positive change and inspire moments of transcendence, because I just haven’t seen it–I’d say corporations are generally bad, and the larger they are, the more harm they do to people and the planet (from Union Carbide in India to GE in the US, etc). That comment came off, to me, as the compensatory rhetoric of a religious-corporate cog-bot (not saying that’s what you are–that is, I’m not ridiculing you–just saying that’s what the statement sounded like to me).
as ever,
jOE f